Quick Answer: If someone knowingly exposed you to an STD without your consent, you have legal, medical, and emotional options. Start by getting tested, documenting communication, and exploring state-specific laws. Most STDs are treatable, but trust violation is a different kind of wound, and both deserve care.
This Happens More Than You Think
You’re not overreacting. This is real. Studies show that a significant number of people don’t disclose their STD status to partners, even when they know. According to one CDC-linked study, as many as 60% of people with herpes didn’t tell their partners prior to sex. With HIV, it’s even more serious: 35+ U.S. states have laws criminalizing knowing exposure without disclosure.
But beyond the law, this is about your body and your right to informed consent. You have the right to know what you’re being exposed to before you say yes. They took that away. That’s not just a medical risk, it’s a betrayal of basic trust.
Sophia, 27, shared her story in a Reddit support group:
“He told me he loved me. Then I found a bottle of Valtrex in his bag. When I asked, he said he’d ‘had herpes for years’ but didn’t think I needed to know. I didn’t even know what it was. I cried for a week straight.”
This article is for every Sophia. You are not alone, and this isn’t your fault.
People are also reading: Where They Swab and Why: A No-BS Guide to STD Testing by Body Part
Step One: Get Tested, Even If You Don’t Feel Sick
This part is hard. It might feel like admitting something bad happened to you, or worse, like validating what they did. But testing is power. You deserve to know what’s happening in your body, especially if someone else chose not to protect you.
If you’ve had sex with someone who knowingly withheld their STD status, test for these immediately:
- HIV
- Chlamydia
- Gonorrhea
- Syphilis
- Herpes (HSV-1 and HSV-2)
- Trichomoniasis
- Hepatitis B & C
- HPV (especially for those with cervixes)
Even if you have no symptoms, many STDs stay silent for weeks, or longer. A negative test today doesn’t mean you’re safe forever. You may need to retest depending on window periods. If you don’t want to deal with clinics or feel too ashamed to explain, that’s okay. You can order an at-home STD combo test kit and do everything privately, safely, and quickly.
When to Test After Exposure
| STD | Earliest Detection | Retest If Needed | Notes |
|---|---|---|---|
| HIV | 10–14 days (NAAT), 4–6 weeks (Ag/Ab) | 12 weeks if negative | High legal significance if knowingly exposed |
| Herpes | 3–6 weeks (antibody) | 12+ weeks for best accuracy | Antibody tests can’t tell when you got it |
| Chlamydia / Gonorrhea | 5–7 days | Retest in 2–3 weeks if symptoms start | Curable with antibiotics |
| Syphilis | 3–6 weeks | 12 weeks for full confidence | Check for rash on palms/soles or sores |
Figure 1. Window period guide for common STDs after possible non-disclosure. Use this to plan follow-up testing if needed.
Step Two: Document Everything
We know, this feels weird. But if there’s one thing we’ve learned from survivors of non-disclosure, it’s this: documentation matters. Not just for legal reasons, but because trauma plays tricks on your memory. Screenshots, journal entries, test results, these are anchors.
Start a private log. Include:
- When you found out about their diagnosis
- Any texts, DMs, or messages that reference it
- Your test dates and results
- Medical records or visit notes, if any
Did they admit they knew and didn’t tell you? Save it. Even if it was verbal, write it down with time and date. You don’t need to decide today whether to report them or sue, but if you do, having this info could make or break your case.
Step Three: Know Your Rights (Yes, You Might Have a Case)
Let’s talk legal. In most U.S. states, it is **illegal** to knowingly transmit or expose someone to certain STDs, especially HIV. Some states include herpes, syphilis, or even HPV in their statutes. This can fall under:
- Criminal exposure laws
- Civil lawsuits for emotional distress or negligence
- Sexual battery or consent violation charges
But here’s the kicker: these laws vary wildly. Some require proof that the person knew their status and failed to disclose. Others focus on whether actual transmission occurred. In a few states, you can still sue even if you didn’t get infected, simply for being knowingly exposed.
That’s why step two is so important. Documentation + diagnosis = a potential case.
Want to explore legal options confidentially? Organizations like Lambda Legal or the ACLU can help you understand your rights based on your location, identity, and diagnosis. You don’t have to go to the police. You just need to know what’s possible.
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Step Four: Tell a Doctor, Even If It Feels Embarrassing
This part gets skipped a lot. Not because it isn’t important, but because shame can be paralyzing. Especially if your doctor is older, judgmental, or makes you feel like your trauma was “just a mistake.”
But if someone knowingly infected you or put you at risk, that is a health violation. Your doctor needs to know what you were exposed to, when, and whether symptoms are showing up. They can help with:
- Emergency HIV prevention (PEP) if it’s within 72 hours
- Starting antivirals for herpes or treating flare-ups
- Testing you again at appropriate windows
- Connecting you to mental health or legal referrals
If you can’t go in person, many clinics now offer secure telehealth visits. And if you're too overwhelmed to say it aloud? Show them this article.
Step Five: Decide What Healing Looks Like For You
This part doesn’t involve labs or lawsuits. But it might be the hardest part of all.
When someone chooses not to tell you their STD status, they’re choosing to keep you in the dark about something that affects your body, your choices, and your dignity. That can rupture your sense of safety, not just sexually, but emotionally, psychologically, even spiritually.
You may feel grief. You may feel rage. You may feel disgust or self-hatred or shame. These are normal trauma responses. You did nothing wrong. You are not dirty. And you are not alone.
Marcus, 31, who found out his long-term partner had known about their HIV status for over a year, described it like this:
“It wasn’t the virus that broke me. It was the lie. I could have handled the truth. But he took away my right to even choose.”
Healing may look like therapy, community, writing, or even confrontation. You don’t have to forgive. You don’t have to forget. But you do get to decide how to rebuild. And we’re here to support that.
But What If They Didn’t Know They Had an STD?
This is where things get gray. Some people genuinely don’t know they’re carrying something, especially with infections like chlamydia, HPV, or herpes, which can stay silent for months or years. If they weren’t diagnosed, they technically couldn’t disclose something they didn’t know.
Still, here’s the hard truth: not knowing doesn’t erase responsibility. If someone is sexually active and hasn’t been tested recently, they’re rolling the dice with your body too. Not asking is still a choice. Not testing is still a choice. And if you’re the one left holding the emotional or medical fallout, that matters.
It’s okay to feel violated even if they “didn’t mean to.” Your hurt is real. And your care still matters.
People are also reading: Did Syphilis Kill These Famous Men? The Hidden History of STDs
What If You Want to Confront Them?
Some people need closure. Others need safety. Both are valid.
If you’re thinking about confronting the person who exposed you, ask yourself a few questions first:
- Are you physically and emotionally safe?
- What do you want out of the conversation, acknowledgment, apology, accountability?
- Is it better to confront directly or through a mediator (friend, counselor, legal rep)?
You can write them a message and choose not to send it. You can block them and still feel angry. You can scream into your pillow or report them to the health department. There’s no “correct” reaction, only your next best step.
Pro tip: If you do choose to contact them, keep your language clear and focused. Avoid threats or emotionally charged phrases that could be used against you. If you’re considering legal action, consult someone before initiating contact.
Here’s an example you can adapt:
"I recently tested positive for [infection] after being with you. I’ve since learned that you were aware of your status and didn’t inform me. I need you to know this caused real harm, physically and emotionally. I’m considering my next steps, including legal ones."
You don’t owe them forgiveness. But you do owe yourself closure, whatever form that takes.
Your Testing, Your Privacy
If you’re not ready to talk to a doctor, or anyone, yet, at-home testing is a powerful option. You can order a discreet STD rapid test kit and get results from the privacy of your room.
These tests check for the most common STDs, HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, syphilis, and more, using a small sample (blood, urine, or swab). Most take just 10–15 minutes and come with clear instructions. No awkward clinic questions. No waiting room anxiety.
Privacy is part of care. If you’re not ready to say it out loud, start here. One step. One result. One choice back in your hands.
Whether it’s been 5 days or 5 months since that night, you still deserve peace of mind.
“But I Trusted Them…”
We know. That’s what makes this whole thing cut deeper than most health scares. It’s not just about a virus or bacteria. It’s about trust. About choice. About someone taking away your right to make an informed decision about your body.
You trusted them with your body. They didn’t protect that trust. Whether that was negligence, cowardice, ignorance, or cruelty, it still left you with the consequences. And that’s not something you should have to carry alone.
You’re allowed to grieve. You’re allowed to get mad. You’re allowed to feel messy and confused and numb. But you’re also allowed to get answers, get tested, and get help.
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FAQs
1. Can I press charges if someone gave me an STD?
Depending on where you live and what STD was involved, yes, you might be able to. In many U.S. states, knowingly exposing someone to HIV without disclosure is a criminal offense. Some states also allow lawsuits for herpes, syphilis, or HPV. If you’re not sure, start by writing down everything you know and then talk to a legal advocate. No courtroom drama required, just your right to protect your body.
2. They say they didn’t know they had anything. Now what?
It’s possible. Some STDs are sneaky and silent. Chlamydia, for example, can hang out for months with no symptoms. That said, not testing regularly when you're sexually active is its own kind of negligence. You’re allowed to feel betrayed, even if they “didn’t know.” Hurt is valid. So is getting tested, setting boundaries, or walking away.
3. I feel fine. Should I still get tested?
Yes. 100% yes. STDs don’t always come with fireworks. Some just simmer quietly until they cause long-term issues, like fertility problems or nerve damage. Whether it’s been a week or a year since the exposure, testing is how you get answers, not just reassurance.
4. Can I get tested without telling anyone?
Yep. No waiting room, no weird questions. At-home STD test kits are discreet, fast, and just as accurate as the ones at the clinic. You’ll know what’s going on without needing to explain anything to anyone, unless you choose to.
5. Do I have to tell future partners I was exposed?
It depends. If you didn’t contract anything, you don’t owe anyone that story (unless you want to share). If you did catch something like herpes or HIV, then yes, ethically and legally, future disclosure matters. But here’s the key: this doesn’t define you. It’s a diagnosis, not your identity.
6. What if I want to confront them?
Start by asking: What do you want from it? Closure? Accountability? Just to say it out loud? If it feels emotionally or physically unsafe, wait. Or write the message and keep it for you. If you do reach out, keep it calm, clear, and document what they say. Sometimes healing starts with saying, “I know what you did.”
7. Is it illegal to give someone herpes?
In some places, yes, especially if they knew and didn’t tell you. Herpes isn’t always treated as a legal issue the way HIV is, but civil courts have ruled in favor of people who were knowingly exposed. The law moves slow. Your safety doesn’t have to.
8. Should I report them?
That’s up to you. Some people file reports through local health departments. Others go through legal aid or advocacy groups. You don’t have to press charges to take action. Just remember, reporting is a tool, not a punishment. Use it if it helps you feel safer, clearer, or more in control.
9. How long should I wait before testing?
Every STD has a different “window period.” For example: chlamydia and gonorrhea show up in a week, while HIV takes 3–6 weeks for accurate results (unless you use a NAAT). If you’re not sure, retest at 12 weeks to cover your bases. And if symptoms show up earlier? Test right away.
10. Will anyone find out I was exposed?
Not unless you tell them. Testing is confidential, and at-home tests are private by design. Whether you choose to open up or not is your call. This is your story, you control the next chapter.
You Were Exposed, But You’re Not Powerless
They made a choice. You didn’t. But now you get to choose how to move forward.
Maybe you’re scared. Maybe you’re numb. Maybe you’re halfway between texting them a furious message and never speaking again. All of that is okay. But don’t let their silence be the last word. Get tested. Get support. Get loud, if and when you’re ready.
Don’t wait and wonder, get the answers your body deserves. A discreet combo test kit checks for the most common STDs quickly and privately, right from home.
Sources
1. ACLU – Medical and Genetic Privacy Rights
2. Lambda Legal – HIV Criminalization
3. Reddit – STD Support Stories
4. Talk. Test. Treat. – telling partners if you have an STI | CDC
5. Partner Services: Notification & treatment of sexual partners | CDC
6. How to talk to my partner about STD testing & results | Planned Parenthood
About the Author
Dr. F. David, MD is a board-certified infectious disease specialist focused on STI prevention, diagnosis, and treatment. He blends clinical precision with a no-nonsense, sex-positive approach and is committed to expanding access for readers in both urban and off-grid settings.
Reviewed by: Katrina Lin, PA-C | Last medically reviewed: November 2025
This article is for informational purposes and does not replace medical advice.
